Catching up with myself.

So, it has been almost two months since I last spoke of my life on this web log of mine, not counting the Teegip just below this post. What to talk about...

For Christmas, I received a sketchpad and some drawing pencils. I made an effort to draw every day, and kept up with it for a whole eight days! Then my apartment got messy and I got lazy. I dropped out of that short-lived habit.

For Christmas, I did not receive my so-desired Nikon D40 DSLR with which I had planned to photograph any wild number of things for my viewing pleasure. My fam's po' so I gotta wait 'til tha cashflow begin again, y'know.

For Christmas, I did not make light bulb terrariums for my mother and grandmother as I had planned to do. Moss is a surprisingly hard thing to find in the dead of winter. Alas!

After Christmas, and after New Year's Day, classes began anew. Only six months left until I graduate, if all goes well. I also took the GRE in an effort to get the ball rolling on my application to DigiPen.

Over Martin Luther King, Jr. Day weekend, I went to New Hampshire with ten other members of the mountaineering club. Despite my doubts I could make it to the top of Mt. Washington, I let my friends talk me into going, and I had an extremely good time of it. I did not, in the end, make it to the top. But I will some day.

Last weekend, I went to an overnight thing at the Cincinnati Zoo, hosted by a friend. Normally it is a thing for little kids, but... so what?! It was a cool look behind the scenes at the zoo, and she is probably the best tour guide under which I have had the pleasure of touring. I was hoping to get a little more up close and personal with some of the animals, but I also knew that was hoping for too much. It would be dumb to let just any person get that close.

That about sums up what I've done. Now for what I plan to do!

The first priority deadline for DigiPen's application process is February 1. I now simply await the deliverance of my transcript and letters of recommendation, and everything will be there. Nothing to do but wait, and hope that if they do accept me, they also offer a scholarship. It's about the only thing in my life in which I no longer have an active role.

Next week on Tuesday I will go on a night hike. Excite! I hope it is not cloudy. Nothing worse than a cloudy night. Especially when you make the effort to get outside the city to an area where the sky is free(er) of light pollution!

Every day for the past week or so, I swore to myself I would start falling into the habits I want to follow. I want to write something on this blog at least once a week. I want to draw something every day, to get better. I want to start running, or doing something active, every day. I want to stay up to speed with my studies instead of lagging behind horribly like I did last quarter. I want to start cooking meals instead of nuking them; I want to make that damn egg salad and mabo dofu for which I have had the ingredients for weeks. I might even want to start practicing the bass guitar a little every day! I do not have it in my apartment, though. I should make a note somewhere to get it from mom...

Habits are hard things to start, and harder to stick to if they are still new!

Tonight I drew some crap in my sketchpad. When I say crap, I really mean I drew some stuff that is not good. But there is only one way to become good. At the moment, I am following this book that my grandmother got me with the sketchpad. It is supposed to teach me how to draw graphite landscapes. Some of those techniques are far more difficult to perform than I thought they were. I think I am getting better?

I have been sick lately (again), and so did not go to class or work out today as I had planned. Before going to bed, I might to try out this burpee thing I read about... it is supposed to be pretty good workout, and without lifting any weights or anything. I might not, though. As I mentioned, I'm pretty sick. I feel terrible. C'est la vie.

Interestingly, I do not have that strong desire to play video games I thought I would have all my life. I still enjoy them immensely when I have the time to play them, but... I just do not have that time, anymore. Not with everything else I want to do. And everything else I have to do for school.

I am a busy man, apparently. When the hell did that happen? D:

The new me in the old world

Sheeeit, mang. Who am I? Where am I? what am I doing? It's like a whole new world! I am doing things this year I never thought I'd be doing when I started college. Always have been a bit of a, uh, what is it... socially inept sort of fellow? I'm probably still awkward but at least I don't care anymore. Well, mostly. Of course, I have Japan to thank for that. Old news. Old. News.

The point is, I went caving last weekend with UC's Mountaineering Club. But I'm a little too... shall we say husky for it. I couldn't fit into the crawlspaces with everyone else, so while they were off exploring, I was stuck waiting in the dark cave alone. Which, in itself, was kind of a cool experience. For a while I had my headlight on, but then I figured why waste the battery, and turned that sucker off. (Actually it was just to get rid of all the fucking bugs flying around my goddamn head.) I've never been in pitch blackness before! Actually, I have to be honest. There was a small point of very dim light that pointed to the entrance to the cave... But other than that I couldn't see a damned thing! I could hear shit, though. Drip drip goes the water. And I think I heard cave crickets crawling around my head - there was some weird sound I couldn't identify, but that's my best guess.

It was bizarre.

Anyway, yeah, I couldn't fit in the crawlspaces. Or at least I felt like I couldn't. Maybe I could've fit through at least one of them, if I forced my way through, but I felt pretty good and stuck before I was even halfway, and I guess I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get BACK through. I'm not claustrophobic by any stretch of the imagination, but... hey. It was a new thing for me. I'm allowed to be a frightened little child.

What I'm trying to get at here is that this is the first time my weight (that is to say, my overweight, my physical girth) has actually impeded on my ability to enjoy life. I mean sure, because I'm out of shape, I might get tired easier than other people, but it's never outright prevented me from doing something. It was... kind of depressing. It's not even like I'm ginormous, either, I'm just too big for the wossnames, you know.

I really was excited for caving, too. It's one of those things I've always wanted to do.

I wonder, though, if I'm just too big even if I was in shape. I'm not a small guy! I mean, 6'4" is nothing to scoff at! Who knows. The only way to find out is to get in shape, and that's what I've been working on since the school year began (albeit sporadically - I really should stick to the fucking schedule, eh?).

On a happier note, I'm second in the reserve line for the trip to Mt. Washington this February. Only second! I should probably be bummed I'm in the reserves and not going on the trip, since unlike a lot of people in the club, I am a senior. However, senior or not, I'm still new to the club. Shit go down like shit go down. Besides, it's probably better if I don't go. 1) I'm broke. 2) I dunno if I could handle the trip in my shape. 3) It'd be happening right in the middle of when I should be working on my senior design project.

Three great excuses to not be sobbing myself to sleep. Good enough for me.

Life is grand, ain't it? (This is not a sarcastic remark, despite what the context may imply.)

I wanna be a real boy!

Well, it's been a while since I wrote anything. I had intended to write some proverbial Final Thoughts or some shit regarding my extranational experiences much sooner than this, but the world turns as the world turns and sometimes it just don't turn for you!

So here goes.

Japan is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me...

Let me start again.

Japan is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember when I first signed up for this ICP nonsense, it was kind of half-heartedly. I always knew I'd eventually be going to Japan, and I knew I had to keep above a 3.0 GPA to be eligible. I did it, and I made it. But even with all the problems I had getting a job prior to leaving the country, and getting my passport, and packing, and and and and... AND-- It bit me in the ass. I don't know how, but I just really didn't feel it coming until I was already landing.

And then I was in Japan. I've talked enough about my experiences. No doubt as I catch up with everyone they'll ask me questions and I'll mumble and attempt to traverse my terrible memory until they walk away disappointed...

Alas! That's not why I'm writing NOW at THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

Japan changed me. Not in an immediately obvious way, and especially not in an outward way. I no doubt still appear to be the same shy guy who lacks any significant amount of confidence, but inside I am different! I promise. I'm more confident - this isn't something I had a problem with before, but people often equate shyness with lack of confidence. Nonetheless, I am more confident now.

More importantly, I've gotten over one of my greatest character flaws: lack of motivation. For the longest time I had no real desire to do anything, and I spent a lot of time moping about wondering why oh why I couldn't find the desire to do things. Oops. The solution? Just fucking do it, idiot.

I'm not sure when or how it happened or what the catalyst was in Japan, but at some point while I was over there, I just realized that I did not think about it anymore. How excellent! I started doing pixel art for fun (this was in Korea, when I had a lot more time for it and didn't feel exhausted after work). I started really planning out a game with My Good Buddy. We've made it a lot further than we ever have before and soon I'll continue with my part of the project -once I get a fucking desk. (Motivation or not, a few piles of boxes does not make for a comfortable working desk. Ironically, I still suffer through it for vidya gaems. Clearly I've still got priority issues!) Photography, traveling, outdoorsy things - I discovered/rediscovered loves for all these and more.

I am excited about life.

So. Yeah. Thanks, Japan!

Nervous?

Why should I be nervous about going back home?

Hell if I know. But I am!

It's eerily similar to the feeling I had shortly before leaving home. I wonder if it's just an anxiety for Big Change. I've gotten incredibly used to being in Japan, and now it's time to get over it.

It's strange, though...

I'm going to wait until I'm officially out of Japan and back in my bedroom in quaint, ol' Lebanon, Ohio, Yoo Ess Ayy before I say too much about How I Feel About My Experiences. But... for the past week or so, one thought that's remained quite vigilant, no matter how much logic or philosophy I throw at it, is this: have I really lived in Japan, yet? This thought is disconcerting, in a way, because that was my ultimate goal when I decided to participate in the International Co-op Program.

Ahhhh.

Home, home on the range

Hah, I used to sing that song all the time when I was a kid. I don't know why. Now all I can remember is that and "where the deer and the antelope play!"

Oh wait, here comes more. Joggin' those memories.

And seldom is heard, a discouraging word, and the skies are not cloudy all daaaaaaaay!

My range isn't like that. My range is stuffy and confined and involves lots of textbooks and tests. And seldom is seen a deer or an anteloupe.

But I am soon heading back! My time in Japan is nearing an end. I'm excited to return to the land of my ancestors, where instead of hunting deer and antelope, we raise domesticated animals to slaughter and consume them.

Not so different from Japan, I guess.

How will I fare with the change in environment, though? I am currently reading Pyramids, by Terry Pratchett. In it, a prince goes off to a distant city, the great Ankh-Morpork, to study the gentlemanly ways of the assassin. Upon his father's death, he must return to his homeland and take the throne. But he now thinks of Ankh-Morpork as his home!

Will the same thing happen to me?!

The answer: no, of course not, stupid. I'm not a trained assassin. Or a king! And I've only been here for six months.

Still might be awkward for a bit, though.

Trip planning

I love to procrastinate when it comes to, like most things in life, planning trips.

I plan to go to Kyoto very soon. While I'm out there, I'll possibly be visiting Nara, Kobe and Hiroshima. Most of my time will be spent in Kyoto, I assume - assume because I still haven't finalized, well, any of my plans.

I guess there are temples and stuff and a castle and I even read about a zoo somewhere. Maybe I'll go there?

For now, though, I need to do two important things:

1. Decide when I'm going (as in, exact dates)
2. Reserve a hotel and possibly procure a Shinkansen ticket

Ahhh. Since the skies seem to have cleared up - almost entirely cloud free, now - I should probably go to the nearest JR station and see if I can't get me a ticket. Gonna be money. Maybe I'll look into an overnight bus instead, but I have a feeling it will be so tiny and uncomfortable for me that I may die during the trip. Hmm. Plus I wanna ride the bullet train! Wanna wanna!!

A few anectodes

Last Friday, after working the festival, I was subjected to Japanese wordplay. The Japanese, as far as I can tell from basically every piece of Japanese culture I've consumed since I was born, love their wordplay. Having been drinking for a while, we ordered some food. They wanted me to try raw horse. It was delicious! No, seriously! Really strong flavor, though.

Anyway, うま (uma) is Japanese for horse. うまい (umai) is (when used in this context) Japanese for delicious. "UMA-I!" he exclaimed. Get it? GET IT?

I understood and appreciated the joke, so I laughed. They laughed because I laughed. I laughed because they laughed. We shared laughter. We were drunk.

---

Last night, at the welcoming/farewell party for me/Emily, I was asked to make a Japanese speech. Inebriated beyond understanding English, I had no idea what was being asked of me, so I agreed. Then everyone went silent and realization dawned. I was left speechless, until someone prodded me to say "arigatou." So I said "arigatou." They applauded! Then I was asked to continue. "Gozaimasu?" More applause! A for effort? (What effort?) A few seconds later, I thought of things I could have said. A few seconds after that, Emily gave her own little speech in rapid Japanese and I chuckled silently to myself at my own inability to speak Japanese or even come close to understanding her speech. (She speaks perfect English and I assume also perfect Japanese!)

---

Earlier today, instead of working, I got to go with my immediate boss on a tour of Cisco's customer hardware, including but not limited to a TON of server hardware. The tour ended with a demo of their video conference product, which was pretty rad. It was a bizarre experience, though, as I've never once in my life expected to one day end up participating in a video conference. It's a weird things to specifically expect to never happen, but there it is.

---

After the Cisco tour, I was treated to a meal at Baker Bounce - Real American Flavour. I ordered a chili cheeseburger. It was wonderful.

P.S., Yes: "Flavour."

---

To summarize the past two days: Wednesday night, as mentioned earlier, I went to a welcoming/farewell party. We were almost right on the beach for fireworks! In other words, we were close.

Interestingly, the waves looked to be bigger at this beach (a bay beach) than out in the ocean. Granted, I don't really know much about how waves work - I just expected straight-from-ocean waves to be bigger!

But anyway, it was a great drinking party - again! FYI, taking pictures of fireworks with an alcohol-soaked shaky hand at one-second-long exposures produces some interesting results. Some day, in the future, after I no longer have dial-up, I'll upload the pictures. ):

I held off on drinking too much, though, because I didn't want a hangover today. Luckily, my strategy worked, and I was able to fully enjoy the aforementioned Cisco tour.

Basically this job, even though it's IT and not want I want to do, has already been infinitely more rewarding than my previous co-op experience at DigiLore. I don't know if it's just because it's Japan, or if it's because of this particular group of people... I'd venture to say it's probably both! I am really enjoying it. Life is grand.

Are you jealous?!

This Friday I go bowling, "surprise event"ing, and drinking again! But! For the first time since coming back from Korea, I'll have to pay for the alcohol. ): Noooo!

Work is killing me

...but not because of the actual work.

During the nine months total I worked at DigiLore in quaint Milford, Ohio for my previous co-op, I was invited to a total of one (1) event, which I couldn't attend, due to already having plans.

In a wild contrast sits my first few weeks of working in Japan at GNF; I've been invited to five events and attended four, with another three to come this week alone.

It is a little overwhelming for one of my nature - that is to say, generally adventurous but in a relaxing kind of way. I have never been one to run about looking for parties to attend (though I've never actually turned down an invitation either).

On Friday evening, I participated in hosting the annual GNF festival, held to appease the locals who might otherwise be concerned by the nuclear facility in their neghborhood. In other words, I made yakisoba for a couple hours!

Yakisoba, for the uninitiated, is an easily-prepared and popular festival foodstuff in Japan. Yakisoba means "fried noodles," and contrary to the name does not actually contain soba noodles. You toss some meat on the grill, put some seasoning on it, follow it up with cabbage and other veggies of choice, add the noodles, add the sauce, cooking the whole way. Voila! Easy!

Also delicious.

I got yelled at for working too hard. O: They told me to take a break, eventually, so I did. During said break, one of my coworkers wanted to introduce me to her daughter. No, not like that! She was a little girl, about ten or so. I think she was afraid of me! She was adorable in her little yukata.

While I was working, the festival attendees enjoyed the festivities. Many, like the little girl, were dressed in their yukata, which is always a plus. For the kids, some performers put on a show of Samurai Sentai Shinkenger. There was some traditional dancing, too. Prizes galore. All in all, a good time. I enjoyed myself, even though I was working almost the whole time.

Near the end, I was informed that after we cleaned up, we'd move on to "next stage." After explaining that next stage was drinking, he asked if I wanted to come. Naturally, I said yes!

Let's just say I got drunk again. Drinking with Japanese people is hilarious because before we begin consumption, everything they say to me sounds forced like they're trying to bring me into the fold but are too shy to do so... but then after a few drinks, and a few more, they start asking me what I think of the women I work with and I'm like whoa is that appropriate. Especially when one of them is sitting a mere ten feet away! She came over as soon as the question arose so I ended up not having to answer. (P.S., she's both nice and attractive. Anyway, doesn't matter.)

The night came to a close.

NEXT MORNING - beach time with Matt and Tyler! I love the beach. I want to live on the beach. The beach makes me a happier person. A better, friendlier person! At least that's what Tyler said. His exact words: "I've never seen you this happy before."

I've ridden that train of thought plenty of times before. Thinking about the beach always cheers me up. When I listen to, for example, Jimmy Buffet, I instantly think of the beach and instantly I am a happier man, for the moment. Still! It's not just the beach! It's everything to do with the ocean. When I was a kid, it wasn't computers that I wanted to work with the most. No, no, no! It was definitely underwater photography. I mean, have you seen any of it? So pretty. )': Lately I've been wishing I had stuck with that dream.

But I digress. The day at the beach was wonderful and filled with many bikini-clad Japanese women, whose beauty was only overshadowed by mine. I kid, I kid. I'm hideous!

Good day, though. I swam more on Saturday than I have in ages. I don't swim as much as I'd like to. I'm still a bit sore - though not near as sore as I was after climbing Mt. Fuji. After the day at the beach, we went back to my place for the fireworks party with my fellow residents. Again, there was much drinking to be had. Do I see a pattern emerging?

The night ended, and Sunday was rather uneventful - thankfully. Worn out and hungover.

But Monday brought forth a promise made Friday night. Ramen after work! It was a promise made while drinking that night, so naturally, someone forgot all about it. Not me, of course. I love good ramen.

And holy shit was this good ramen. Easily the best I've ever had. Unlike every ramen meal I've had before, this one came with noodles separate from soup. So there's this gigantic bowl of noodles and this tiny bowl of soup, you dip the noodles in the soup, and go to town. I've had cold soba noodles like that before, but never ramen!

THE BEST. Ramen. I've ever had. !

I consumed my meal much slower than my Japanese counterparts. They most certainly reminded me of the stereotypical anime caricature where ramen is virtually inhaled. It was quite impressive. I glance over and see that their bowls are empty of noodles and mine is still half full. Inwardly, I say "wow." Outwardly, I simply chuckle. Hearing my chuckle, they glance toward me, notice my bowl, and also laugh - perhaps at me, perhaps with me. Or both.

I've got the technique down! The secret is to both slurp AND use chopsticks. This also helps prevent the mess of liquid flying every which way as the noodles flick and twirl. It's just the speed I can't handle, yet. If I go too fast, that control slips away and the mess returns.

I am given a ride home, and after a hastily mumbled arigatou gozaimasu, I exit the car and return to my room, once again satisfied with a night well spent. Only this time there's no hangover to look forward to the following morning!

My only regret is that I took no pictures on Friday or Monday (on account of I don't take my camera to work). Yes, I still have the memories, but goddamn if there weren't some good photographic opportunities.

Desire to improve

I've been very, very slowly uploading pictures from my first few weeks in South Korea...

They kind of suck. ): It occurs to me that I was focused too much on simply getting a picture, and not getting the picture. Which sounds dumb when I think about it, but that's the way things are.

In an effort to improve, I've been looking at photos all over the world wide web and reading about photography in general, especially at Ken Rockwell's personal website. I'd never heard of him until I started researching what new camera I might want, but he's apparently a pro and seems to know his stuff! I have no real desire to be a professional photographer, but I figure reading tips from one will help me to improve.

Actually, that's not really true... I'd love to be a professional photographer, but I know that it's just not something I could do... maybe. At any rate, it's a little late to all of a sudden change my life goal. And besides, being a non-professional gives me more freedom... right?

Back to the main point: I want to get better.

I definitely feel like I've improved since arriving in Japan (which signaled the beginning of my photography adventures). However, looking at those pictures of random food stuffs makes me second guess that improvement.

Granted, packaging isn't all that exciting to look at in the first place. I know this. I also know that the pictures I take with more interesting subjects almost always turn out better. So maybe I should just stop taking pictures of food packaging!

Ah, but even so, when I look at pictures from more skilled photographers, I can tell they are way better than me when it comes to setting up a good shot... lighting, angles, etc. Way, way better.

Maybe I should just go out one day with the singular goal of finding and taking good photos. Usually I am distracted by something else during my trips: people, destinations, food... anything. If I remove those extra goals, maybe I can take the time to experiment and find the photos I want to take, find out how to get the right picture. Which would then enable me to get those pictures even when I'm distracted. Hmm.

Hopefully I will improve.

I plan to get a new camera, but I'm well aware that doing so won't automatically make my pictures better. New gizmos make everything fun!

COMmunic.....n...

I am kind of way too shy. I would love to be able to speak Japanese fluently. Unfortunately, in order to do so, I actually have to speak broken Japanese first. I have to practice. Yet, for some stupid reason, I neglect doing so. I just clam up whenever the opportunity presents itself. And if I do say anything, it comes out as what amounts to basically an incomprehensible grumble.

I know. I know I just need to do it. And I try! Time and time again, I try, and I start out clear and then just fall off a goddamn mind cliff or something. I don't know why. It's irritating to no end. I have no idea what the hell I need to do to get over it. Alcohol doesn't help me like so many people say it helps them. Sure, I stop caring so much about what people think of me, but that just means I'm louder... in English.

At any rate, today I climb Mt. Fuji. So forget that nonsense. It's time to get pumped! And ride the train for over three hours. Hell yeah...

MORE WHEN I RETURN! Please do be looking forward to it.

This is my second favorite blog post ever!

As I've grown older, the concept of "picking favorites" has kind of fallen out of my mind. Used to be I could say things with 100% confidence. "Earthbound is my favorite game." That doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

These days, when I hear or read "this is my absolute favorite game" or "my top five favorite books are...", I am left on the sideline wondering how one decides which is the Best. Clearly, this is not a matter of objectivity at all, so I will leave that for never-to-be-seen-again-in-this-post.

I have a very hard time consciously comparing things. I can't will myself to do it. Obviously, subconsciously I will sometimes think "X author is better at writing Y situations," "A game developer makes better games in the B genre," etc. But none of that really matters to me. I can try to compare things consciously, but eventually I just decide it's not worth the trouble. It is either enjoyable, or not. It is either worth experiencing, or not.

Certainly, there are a number of things which I hold near and dear to my heart, or what have you. Mother 3 (the sequel to my previous beloved, Earthbound), for example, is "one of my favorite" games. Yet, I can't actually, truly place it on any scale. It's not number 1, or number 100, or anywhere in between. It's just one of those games I will always love. In much the same way, I love the series of books known as Discworld, or the Indiana Jones movies (even the fourth one, which people hate for no good reason). I'll always eat a good pizza. Gnarls Barkley really tickles my groove bone. These are just facts of life. But there are so many more things I love, and I love them all.

Just as I have trouble deciding if one thing is better than another, I have even more trouble deciding which is the best. That is, I simply can't do it.

Granted, sometimes I'll get caught up in the moment. I know about a year ago, I would pretty frequently say exactly the following words: "Team Fortress 2 is my favorite multiplayer game." It really is a fantastic game,and I enjoy myself 90% of the time I play it. 5% of the time I'm loading maps. And the other 5% I was miserable before I started, and there's no saving me then. Every time I said this, I was excitedly talking about the game with friends and filled with emotion. I didn't put any thought into it.

But maybe that makes it truer than if I had taken the time to think about it? It is, after all, an entirely subjective statement, and the core of subjectivity is emotion - how we feel about things. If anything, though, such a statement is only indicative of how I feel at that point in time. It doesn't necessarily carry on past that moment.

Besides, those reactions occur quite frequently when I talk about the games I love. Super Smash Bros., Legend of Mana, Super Mario Galaxy, Day of the Tentacle, the aforementioned Mother 3... And any time I slow down and think about it, I remember all the great times I had playing any number of different games in any number of different genres.

Oh well. It's not like I'm upset about my apparent inability to pick a favorite. I'm-a just keep on, keepin' on, content with my gigantic umbrella of love.

An Untitled Story of Unbridled Rage, Unending Frustration and Unrelenting Uncertainty

In high school, I didn't give two fucks about my grades. I just did what I needed to pass. Minimal effort! I "forgot" to do a lot of homework, and then never made up for it when the teachers offered me a chance. I did not study for any tests. I scraped by with a high C-ish average, if I recall correctly. Nothing special.

I am not alone in this, I know!

So, the time came when I had to apply for college. I was not super-excited to move into higher education, but I was looking forward to it. Still, I doubted I would try any harder than I had in high school.

I applied for the University of Cincinnati and Purdue University and a couple others of which I have long forgotten the names. Both UC and Purdue accepted me. I really wanted to go to Purdue, but out of state tuition is a bitch, so I went with UC. The co-op program sounded cool, too! Paid internships, basically, to train me for the real world with real experience as I am studying? Sign me up.

Even still I had no reason to really try.

Then, I went to the freshman orientation engineer presentations. I learned about International Co-op after freshman year, after a 2.5-ish GPA. Pretty mediocre, maybe even bad.

I learned of the opportunity to go to Japan. I have always been a nerd. I have always been fascinated with Japan because of videogames and anime. I have since matured, ohoho, and am interested in Japan and, indeed, all other cultures for completely different reasons, but at the time I just wanted to visit the land that in a large part contributes to my love of nerdy things.

We were told that a requirement for doing ICP is to have a 3.0 or above GPA. WHOA. Suddenly a reason to try! Okay, let's do this! So I did it.

Ever since I entered into the program, and the preparations began, I and others in said program had been told things like, "You will get a job. There's a 100% guarantee. Nothing has ever gone wrong before!" Then the economy fumbled the ball. Still they told us to remain positive! I believed them.

As the time to leave approached I began to worry. I still did not have a job. I am generally a positive guy (at least, in my own head I am), but things were not happening as they should. Time went on and on, and I started to get pretty stressed out about it. My grades even suffered for it. (Yay, excuses!)

Soon enough it was time to leave for Japan and I still didn't have a job. Hey, though, it's okay! To make up for not having a job, UC offered me a scholarship to pay for an eight-week course to study Japanese while living in Japan. Hell yes thank you!

While in Japan, I was put into contact with a guy who was trying to get a job for me with either his company or his friend's company. I was thankful for this. Hope returned. Then he kind of disappeared off the face of the earth. I assumed that meant he was unsuccessful and wary of telling me for some reason. This was within the first two weeks, so I had plenty of time to get over it and set my mind positively to returning home.

Fast forward about six weeks. I was enjoying my time in Japan immensely and ready to go home in a couple weeks. I had long made peace with the fact that I was not going to stay as long as I had originally believed. I began making plans for once I returned home. I had plans! Glorious plans!

Then I received another email! A possible job offer for an IT position. I was a bit wary, but I didn't let that stop me from jumping at a chance to stay in Japan even longer!

After a week and a half of painful uncertainty, I just wanted everything to be over with. I wanted to be back in America and be done with it. But then! It was confirmed that I got the job! I only had to fly to Seoul and give some papers to the Japanese Embassy. For some reason, Japan requires that you be out of the country to receive a working visa. That's fine, though, as the first month's pay would more than make up for the cost!

That was my logic.

At this point, though, I was still somewhat uncertain as to what exactly I needed to do once I arrive in Korea. Unfortunately, I was being rushed by both sides. Unfortunately, but understandably! The company wants me to start working, and the school wants me to start working. Hell, I want me to start working. So I went out and bought an expensive round-trip ticket to Korea. I could have gotten cheaper (about half the cost!) if I wasn't being rushed, but shit happens.

With the required papers, vague instructions on what to do, and hastily constructed plans, I fly to Korea. Pretty frickin' nervous, as it is the first time I have ever flown on a plane by myself, let alone to another country where I have no inkling of the language.

But it will be fun! I am sure of it.

I landed. I was accosted by taxi drivers and gave in and paid ridiculous money for the ride. Oh well. It was easier than getting lost on the trains on the way to the hotel, right?

Next day! I went to the Japanese Embassy! I only got lost three times on my way there. Walked past it twice. Finally I just started asking random people if they spoke English, and if they said yes, I asked them to point in the right direction. I went inside the building, to the 7th floor, handed the guy behind the desk my papers... pretty satisfied and looking forward to being done with this so I could enjoy my visit to Korea. So looking forward to this.

Alas, it was not meant to be. My company forgot to give me the certificate of eligibility - the most important of papers for getting a working visa! I returned to the hotel, somewhat upset, and contacted the company.

The next day I had a photocopy via email, a fax, and a copy via snail mail in my hands. Pretty fantastic. It is official looking, got stamps and shit on it. Excellent! This time I found the embassy right away. When I gave him this paper, he informed me that... oops it isn't actually the certificate of eligibility.

AGH.

It's Friday! The embassy is closed on weekends! My plane leaves Sunday! Shit. Goddamnit. What the hell am I supposed to do?

I rush back to the hotel, posthaste - well, okay, I stopped to eat - and contacted the company again. I told him all about how I was going to be stuck in Korea and have to buy a new ticket once I could actually leave since I couldn't change my flyback date

So now... My positivity has melted away completely. I know I am screwed. I was told before I came to Korea that if I couldn't get the working visa, I wasn't going to be able to get a tourist's visa to get back into Japan. In other words, there was the possibility of getting stuck in Korea. I was a little scared of that happening, despite the reassurances that it wouldn't. WELL NOW IT HAS. Great.

I am just so tired of this frustrating uncertainty. And after all the hard work I've put into it, since I learned about the program. "Welcome to the real world," my dad told me.

That doesn't help. ;_;

Of course, despite all this shitty shit that has happened to me, my time in Japan has been wonderful. Some other time I will write a more positive post about my overall experience. Probably!

And one day, ONE DAY I will learn to fluently speak the language and be able to roam the streets of Japan without stumbling over every other word. ONE. DAY. (I hope!)

Think positive, think positive! Ugh.

And thus ends my first and hopefully last stupid rant.

Haha, rant. That reminds me, once in my angsty teen years I thought it would be cool to make a website where all I did was write about stupid things that annoyed me. Remember that, L.J.? I bet you do.

Ahh, good times.

I love curry.

Which is weird.

Before I came to Japan, I'd tried Indian food on about four different occasions at different restaurants. Curry three of those times. Always hated it.

Then I came to Japan and had some Japanese curry. I like it. It's pretty good!

Then we found a Nepali curry place in Sangubashi. OH MAN. Wonderful!

And then this gem: pumpkin and chicken curry. During my last week of class in Iidabashi, we discovered an Indian curry restaurant. So. Good.

I love curry. I love nan. Maybe one day I'll venture elsewhere in the wide world of Indian food.

I have a problem.

And its name is Katsudon.

This is already the second time I have had tonkatsu in some form this week. Monday, katsudon. Tuesday, curry. TODAY, KATSUDON.

"What is katsudon?" you ask. Well, let me tell you, friend! Katsudon is nothing more than fried pork cutlet on rice, topped with a raw egg that cooks from the heat of the pork and rice below it.

I love this shit. Easily my favorite Japanese dish!

Henceforth, however, I will make a concerted effort to consume New and Interesting Foodstuffs.

Ahh, but it's so good. Can I do it?

I am in Japan. Shock!

I have been living here now for, what is it, two months? March 22, that's the day I arrived. It's been a ride so far.

The biggest shock was that there was no shock. I didn't, and still don't feel out of place. Perhaps that's because I came with ten other people from my school. I was able to ease into it one step at a time. We got on the plane in a group, we left the airport in a group, we rode the train in a group.

Ah, the trains. Had I come alone, I know for sure I would've been lost many times before figuring out the trains, having never ridden anything like it my entire life. These days, it's second nature.

After we all got settled in at the hostel and went through a few days of class and exploring Tokyo, I realized that, yes, it really wasn't so different. As time has gone on, I've noticed more and more of those little differences. Even so, nothing ever shocked me. Maybe I thought it was a little weird, but it just didn't jump out at me like I expected.

The culture shock just wasn't there, really.

Was I missing something? Why did I feel so at home? Me, who has always been a bit of a pansy about going out on my own and just doing shit. I'm not one of those poor saps who thinks to himself, "Maybe I was just meant to be Japanese!" but there's certainly something that feels like home here. I still don't know what it is.

I can barely speak the language (certainly nowhere near fluent). Reading the hundreds, possibly thousands of different kanji I see every day when I recognize, at most, 200 and recall the meaning of, at most, 100 is just an impossibility. The roads are cramped and confusing when they're not large and imposing. One of these days I'll have to take some pictures of the bigger intersections during the busy hours. There are so many people!

Despite all this, I have no problem walking up to some passerby and inquiring, "kore wa doko desu ka?" ("where is this?") while pointing at something on a map I scribbled in haste that morning. Everything I heard about Japanese people before coming here is true -- they're not a very social people out on the street. There's no friendly "hello!" to the stranger walking cheerily in the opposite direction. (Although to be honest, there's not much of that in America, either. More than here, but still not much.) However, also true is that they are nice. If you ask for help, many of them will go out of their way to actually physically lead you to the building, even if it's a few blocks in the opposite direction they were heading. I've never had someone deny helping me, because they were in a hurry or busy with something else. And even if they don't know, they'll often stop someone else and ask them about it.

Maybe it's just that the people are so welcoming, even of the "gaijin" (a shortened form of "gaikokujin," or foreigner) they reportedly hate so much.

The culture shock never hit me. But somehow, I expect it to hit much worse when I get back home to America. Back to a world where people are much more open and yet much less welcoming. Maybe I'm once again overestimating the whole ordeal. Only time will tell.