Sheeeit, mang. Who am I? Where am I? what am I doing? It's like a whole new world! I am doing things this year I never thought I'd be doing when I started college. Always have been a bit of a, uh, what is it... socially inept sort of fellow? I'm probably still awkward but at least I don't care anymore. Well, mostly. Of course, I have Japan to thank for that. Old news. Old. News.
The point is, I went caving last weekend with UC's Mountaineering Club. But I'm a little too... shall we say husky for it. I couldn't fit into the crawlspaces with everyone else, so while they were off exploring, I was stuck waiting in the dark cave alone. Which, in itself, was kind of a cool experience. For a while I had my headlight on, but then I figured why waste the battery, and turned that sucker off. (Actually it was just to get rid of all the fucking bugs flying around my goddamn head.) I've never been in pitch blackness before! Actually, I have to be honest. There was a small point of very dim light that pointed to the entrance to the cave... But other than that I couldn't see a damned thing! I could hear shit, though. Drip drip goes the water. And I think I heard cave crickets crawling around my head - there was some weird sound I couldn't identify, but that's my best guess.
It was bizarre.
Anyway, yeah, I couldn't fit in the crawlspaces. Or at least I felt like I couldn't. Maybe I could've fit through at least one of them, if I forced my way through, but I felt pretty good and stuck before I was even halfway, and I guess I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get BACK through. I'm not claustrophobic by any stretch of the imagination, but... hey. It was a new thing for me. I'm allowed to be a frightened little child.
What I'm trying to get at here is that this is the first time my weight (that is to say, my overweight, my physical girth) has actually impeded on my ability to enjoy life. I mean sure, because I'm out of shape, I might get tired easier than other people, but it's never outright prevented me from doing something. It was... kind of depressing. It's not even like I'm ginormous, either, I'm just too big for the wossnames, you know.
I really was excited for caving, too. It's one of those things I've always wanted to do.
I wonder, though, if I'm just too big even if I was in shape. I'm not a small guy! I mean, 6'4" is nothing to scoff at! Who knows. The only way to find out is to get in shape, and that's what I've been working on since the school year began (albeit sporadically - I really should stick to the fucking schedule, eh?).
On a happier note, I'm second in the reserve line for the trip to Mt. Washington this February. Only second! I should probably be bummed I'm in the reserves and not going on the trip, since unlike a lot of people in the club, I am a senior. However, senior or not, I'm still new to the club. Shit go down like shit go down. Besides, it's probably better if I don't go. 1) I'm broke. 2) I dunno if I could handle the trip in my shape. 3) It'd be happening right in the middle of when I should be working on my senior design project.
Three great excuses to not be sobbing myself to sleep. Good enough for me.
Life is grand, ain't it? (This is not a sarcastic remark, despite what the context may imply.)
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